Pen and heartI carry him with me everywhere, every day.

He has been with me all these years . . . ever-present, never present.

In my thoughts. In my dreams. In my daydreams. In my hopes, my goals, my triumphs, my failures, my achievements, my near-misses.

In my eyes, in the air that I breathe.

I carry his name on the tip of my tongue, but never dare speak it.

I carry him, the essence of him, the belief in him, the memories of him, the thoughts of him, the smell of him, the longing for him . . . I carry the burden of having let him go, having lost him.

I carry the hope of bumping into him unexpectedly, practicing what I will say, how I will smile. I carry myself with anticipation, walking nonchalantly yet resolutely and confidently . . . just in case.

I carry a heart full to overflowing with love . . . of him, for him, concealed for him, waiting for him . . .


Inspired by the Sunday Scribblings prompt: “I carry”


  1. Ah beautiful, hope you bump into him pretty soon, loved this piece, thank you.

    UL’s last blog post..A prayer.

  2. I know exactly how this feels. You took the words right out of my own heart…….I carry them too.

    take care………..and hope you do bump into him.

    awareness’s last blog post..I carry……….

  3. Secret Agent Mama

    You need to hand write this post out and carry it straight to him!

    Secret Agent Mama’s last blog post..Sunday Scribbling: “I carry…”

  4. Wow – very powerful.

    At 60, I read your words, and my reaction is — it seems a lot of your spirit energy is focused on a chapter of your life that appears closed now… if this piece is about someone who chose to leave you.

    But I was once young and I still have faint recollection of obsessing over lost love — but I think guys process it differently, and perhaps, let it go more easily?

    If this piece is about losing your longtime lover to a tragic death — then I fully understand the longing, and the accompanying grief.

    Rob Kistner’s last blog post..Kiting

  5. MyStarbucks

    That is beautiful. I don’t know who him is, but I can think of someone that I feel the exact same way about.
    I came over from Sivatar and am so very glad I found you!